What if the anger you’ve been suppressing isn’t a problem to fix, but a protector trying to tell you something important?
I have a confession: I’m not always as serene as these Friday Pauses suggest. Yesterday, my anger erupted in a coaching circle—and it felt incredible. It made me realize how much I’ve been suppressing instead of working with anger as a guide to what needs protecting. Thankfully, the other members of my circle were mature enough to welcome and appreciate the anger, rather than judge me for all the seemingly horrible things this angry side had to say.
I’m not going to lie. It. Felt. Great. I value authenticity and am on a mission to create a world where people feel welcomed to freely express themselves, but I hadn’t realised just how much of my own free expression I had been suppressing. We all do this to some extent to protect our social relationships and be accepted in our communities. How many times have you found yourself saying “Great, no problem, let’s do it” when inside you are thinking “Are you f***ing kidding me? This is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. I don’t have time for this”? It can be exhausting to live this kind of double life – polite and collaborative on the outside, but with an internal monologue that is desperate to unleash its fury or frustration.
Of course, the answer is not that we all start giving our Inner Anger free reign to go on a rampage. But neither should we suppress it. The facilitator encouraged me to explore what my anger was trying to tell me—to start working with anger as information rather than a problem. I pulled out this wonderful book called The Language of Emotions, which has separate chapters dedicated to exploring each of our main emotions in turn. The book helped me understand that working with anger means treating it as a ‘stalwart castle sentry’—a protector pointing to breached boundaries. Or, like my friend Nathalie reminded me last night: “Mars is the planet of anger. And Mars is celebrated as a warrior.” (Mars is also very prominent in my astrology chart – no wonder I have so much anger inside of me!) Anger helps us see where our boundaries are breached and gives us the energy to restore them. The key to working with anger is to understand what it is trying to protect. Once you engage with it (rather than ignoring it), you’ll be in a better position to express what’s important to you with clarity and strength. This is the true gift of anger – directing our attention and energy to stand up for what we believe in.
Working with anger, rather than against it, helps us stand up for what we believe in with clarity and strength. Today’s excerpt, from Consolations by David Whyte, helped me put things in perspective. I hope it does the same for you.
