What if the reason you feel stuck isn’t that the pain isn’t real enough, but that you haven’t let yourself dream big enough (yet)?
There’s a saying that change only happens when the dream is big enough and/or the pain is real enough. Many of us are familiar with the “pain” side of this equation – stress that we just can’t deal with any longer, a feeling of boredom that we can no longer tolerate. But what does it mean to make the dream big enough?
This is a question I’ve been asking myself for the past year or so. My husband has long had a dream to move to the US. He feels more alive there, his energy is more upbeat, he believes his career prospects are much better. Happy with my life in London, it’s a dream I’ve struggled to share.
Recently, we both participated in a ten-day energy masterclass where, as part of the program, we were encouraged to set an intention for the future. The one that sprang to mind for me was: “I am building a new life with R in a place that inspires us both.” Shivers ran through my body as I shared it out loud – a sure sign that I was on to something. Instead of trying to find a compromise, why not dream big?
Since that moment, our whole outlook on the question of “where to?” has completely shifted. Rather than trying to optimise for cost of living or where the best jobs will be, we’re now first asking: “Do we both feel inspired by this location? Does it make us come alive?” We’ve quickly narrowed search list to three locations, each of which would feel like an adventure to me rather than an obligation. I’ve gone from ‘you figure it out first’ to being as invested in this move as R is. He’s diving quickly into his own research and job search, and I now have a target move date in mind and will actively start shaping the next steps for my own career.
Finding Your Dream (The One That Gives You Shivers)
Dreaming big contains an enormous amount of catalyzing energy that is easy to underestimate. If you’ve been sluggish about making a change – even though the pain is REAL – see what happens when you switch your attention to your dream.
Here are some questions to get you started:
- What change have I been circling around without fully committing to?
- What’s the version of that change I’ve been settling for – the practical one, the compromise, the “realistic” one?
- What would the dream version look like – the one that genuinely inspires me, that I’d be excited to pursue?
- How does it feel to speak that dream out loud? Do I feel “meh”, or do I feel shivers?
If you don’t feel shivers – or a sense of “THIS IS IT” – keep going – keep dreaming – until you reach something where your whole body comes alive when you say it out loud. Perhaps you can try listening for your heart thoughts. Whatever you do, keep going until you feel a growing desire to make this dream happen, whatever it takes – until you have a dream big enough to carry you through all the uncertainty of change.
From Dream to Reality
Once you have your dream, share it with people you trust. Ask them in advance to hold off on critiques or practical concerns – you’re already great at that. Instead, ask them to reflect back what they notice about your energy when you share this dream – do you light up? Do you speak faster? Which parts of this dream seem to make you most come alive? Let the excitement continue to build as you breathe more life into your dream.
Once your dream is relatively clear in your mind, take steps to remind yourself of your dream every day. If it’s a career change, perhaps you start taking a class that moves you in the right direction, or read biographies of people in that field who inspire you. If it’s a location change, surround yourself with pictures of the destination (change your phone’s wallpaper) or have a physical artefact on hand (keychains are great).
Change is possible when the pain is real enough, but it’s way more exciting when that dream is big enough – big enough even to be on that border between exciting and scary. Give yourself permission to let your imagination roam free, and let the energy of that vision carry you through to your next chapter.
