How do we make space for honoring grief when we’re losing our language for vulnerability and connection to something greater than ourselves?
This week’s Friday Pause is dedicated to a good friend of mine who is going through a terrible loss. When we spoke yesterday, I noticed the tendency, both in me and in her, to look for ways to minimize the pain – by rationalizing the loss, by looking for the silver lining, by offering amusing anecdotes that distract from the solemnity of the moment. We do this for each other out of love, in an effort to help the other person feel better, but it has the side effect of suppressing the grief rather than witnessing it.
While loss is painful, it is important to make space for and honour our grief. But even if we want to, it can be difficult to find the right words. Uncomfortable with vulnerability, we are losing our language for connection to something greater than ourselves. That’s why, for this week, I’ve chosen a prayer from Pixie Lighthorse’s book Prayers of Honoring.
A prayer, especially when spoken aloud in community, can be deeply healing. For some people reading this, prayer may be a familiar and comforting practice. But many others who have moved away from organized religion may have a more complex relationship with prayer. As Pixie writes in the introduction (I couldn’t have said it better): “Prayer has become a sullied concept. To some ears, the word results in triggersome personal, cultural, or collective memories. The sour taste of yesterday’s experiences of over-organized religions, forced practice, penance, rigid disciplines bearing harsh consequences, heavy-handed authorities on the laws of God – all leave little room for welcoming prayer back into the heart, home, and psyche. It is my hope that we can overcome our prayer trauma and begin to speak the words of spirit from our hearts out loud again.”
If you or someone in your life is experiencing a loss, consider saying a prayer for them. You can pray to whatever you believe in – the Universe, Mother Earth, or God / the Goddess – in whatever form it takes. It doesn’t matter. The words and intention are enough. I hope Pixie’s words may bring some peace and comfort to those suffering in silence.
