When did we start automatically discarding broken things—and broken relationships—instead of asking ‘how can I repair this?’
I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of repair recently—and not just for things, but for repairing relationships too. It started with a pair of noise-cancelling headphones I have, which still work perfectly well, but the ear cushions are disintegrating after five years of use. I thought I would have to buy new ones, which felt like a waste. Imagine my delight when I found I could buy replacement ear cushions on the Bose website, thus extending the life of my headphones.
Buoyed by my DIY success, I turned to my Samsonite carry-on, which had a broken telescopic handle (because it fell under the weight of my heavy backpack). While I would typically have berated myself for my clumsiness and reluctantly purchased a new suitcase, I thought: “this must be fixable.” I went on Samsonite’s website and emailed them asking for a new handle. A week later, it arrived in the mail, and I successfully installed it with the help of a YouTube video.
When something is broken, many of us, myself included, have developed a habit of discarding the broken item and buying a new one. After all, it’s faster. But how much are we losing in that process, throwing away something perfectly good because of one small thing that has gone wrong, rather than investing the time in repairing it?
And of course, this habit doesn’t just apply to things. It also applies to relationships. We have a rupture in a relationship with someone important to us, and often, instead of investing the time in repairing something precious, we let it fall by the wayside. How much time have we lost with people we love, with whom we’ve fallen out over something? And what would happen if, instead of dwelling on the nature of the rupture, we said to ourselves “this must be fixable” and invested some effort in repair?
As we head into the holiday season, check in with yourself if there’s someone you want to reestablish a connection with, and see if you can take the first step towards repair. If you need some inspiration, Noah Wylie’s character in the TV show The Pitt recommends four simple phrases: “Please forgive me.” “I forgive you.” “Thank you.” “I love you.” (OK, they were for when a person was near death, but I think they also work for repair.) There will almost definitely be some scar tissue, but if you treat the repair process as sacred, you may find you have something even more beautiful for having been mended.
