When I was in high school, at the end of each year we passed around our yearbooks for others to sign. The most common message, without fail, was “K.I.T!” Keep in Touch!
I wonder how many of us actually did. Personally, I’m not in touch with anyone from my high school days, and only one person from university (no one from Harvard Law). And yet – I don’t feel bad about that. I realised early on that if you stay in touch with people because you actually care about them – not because they might be useful to you someday – the career benefits take care of themselves. And they have: my genuine relationships, nurtured over time, have opened more doors for me than any CV, job application, or networking event ever has.
Why “networking” feels so icky
One of the biggest blockers I see in career transitions is a resistance to “networking.” And for good reason. When you only reach out to someone because you need something from them, the relationship feels transactional, not genuine. There is nothing more uncomfortable than reaching out to someone with whom you haven’t spoken in years and saying: “So… how have you been? By the way, I’m looking for a job.”
Keeping in touch is different. It is an investment in relationships with people who know you, like you, and want to see you succeed. It is, in essence, friendship. It’s sharing the highs and lows of your career with each other over time, planting small seeds that may someday bear fruit you can’t even conceive of right now.
Relationships are the foundation for literally everything
One of my favourite models for understanding how things get done in the world comes from the philosopher and entrepreneur Fernando Flores. He described almost all conversations as falling into one of three types: conversations for Relationship, conversations for Possibility, and conversations for Action. The model is simple but powerful: relationships are the foundation, and from that foundation, possibilities naturally emerge. Only once you have explored possibilities together does action – a collaboration, an introduction, an opportunity – become truly possible.
This is exactly why traditional networking falls flat. It tries to leap straight to Action – asking for a job lead, a referral, or a favour – without having done the relationship work first. And without the relationship, there is no shared ground from which possibilities can emerge. No wonder the request feels awkward to make, and hollow to receive. As Flores might say: when there is difficulty in action, look to the outer circles. Was there a genuine relationship? Did you explore possibilities together? If not, the action won’t land – at least not in a way that feels good for either party.
Keeping in touch is an investment in those outer circles. You are building and nurturing the relationship over time, so that when a possibility does emerge, it feels natural – even exciting – to explore it together, and to move into action when the moment is right.
The KIT network in action
A former coaching client shared this great KIT story with me: Having been made redundant in a wave of corporate layoffs, she spent months browsing job listings and applying for new roles. But the role she eventually landed – leading change at a well-known entertainment brand – came not through any of that effort, but from a casual catch-up with a friend who happened to know that the company was looking for someone with exactly her skillset.
In another example from the past few months, a former colleague of mine spent over a year looking for a new role. He did all the right things – upskilled himself, revamped his LinkedIn profile, kept his relationships “warm”. When we caught up over a year ago, I genuinely wanted to help him because I knew him and liked him – but I just didn’t know of any open roles. Fast forward a year, when another former colleague approached me about a potential role he was looking to fill. “I know just the person,” I said. It turned out to be a match made in heaven.
In both cases, the action – the opportunity, the introduction – emerged from a relationship that had already been carefully tended. Nobody asked for a favour. The possibility surfaced naturally, and the action followed when the timing was right.
How to become a great KIT-er
There is often a mismatch in timing between when you are looking for an opportunity, and for when the right opportunity actually comes along. The secret is not to wait until you need something. If you reach out to your network only when you’re looking for a job, you’ve already waited too long.
Here are some simple rules of thumb:
- Be selective. Start by inventorying your natural network – i.e., your work friends. Who are the people who you genuinely WANT to keep in touch with, professionally – the people where having a catch-up “just because” feels like something to look forward to, rather than an obligation for the sake of networking?
- Use natural moments to reach out. A LinkedIn notification about a job change or work anniversary is a perfect, low-pressure reason to drop someone a line or reconnect after a long time. A quick congratulations on a promotion takes two minutes and opens the door for futher conversations.
- Share things that make you think of them. An article, a podcast, a book – something with no agenda attached, just “I thought of you when I read this.” That simple gesture does more to maintain a genuine connection than any formal check-in.
- Schedule regular meet-ups – online or, even better, in person. Even once a quarter is enough to stay genuinely connected. Share your story, and be curious about theirs. When people know what you’re working towards, they can help you in ways you haven’t even thought to ask for.
If everything I wrote above sounds obvious, that’s because it is. There is nothing more natural, and human, than maintaining relationships. And yet – it’s so easy to let lapse. Especially in a world where we treat fellow humans in a transactional way (barristas, Uber drivers, even colleagues from whom we ‘need something’), we can naturally default to only reaching out to our network when we need something from them – only to find it’s atrophied.
The main rule of thumb here is – if you don’t actually enjoy your relationship with the other person, they shouldn’t be in your KIT network. Your network is not a resource to be activated in a crisis. It’s a garden – one that needs regular tending, small acts of attention, and genuine care to flourish. The career opportunities, collaborations, and introductions that matter most rarely come through a formal application process. They come through a friend who thought of you at exactly the right moment. So reach out to someone today – not because you need anything, but because you’re curious about where they are. That’s where it all begins.
